(forgive me while I vent)
Well, it's happening. And it's only the FIRST grade.
And it's not what you think: It's not hard core pushing, shoving, roughhousing, or cussing.
It's simple (but hurtful) teasing and overall a case of just general "not being nice" going on with two specific "friends" in our neighborhood. One kid is in 3rd grade, the other in 1st like Spencer.
And I'm heartbroken over it.
Aaron and I have decided that Spencer can't play out in front any longer when these two particular "friends" are out there because a combo of 2 against 1 just ain't happening on our watch.
How do you deal with things like this? Would you talk with the parents? How do I help him not be sad he's not outside playing? Playing the Wii with Mom and making cupcakes (as we did today) can only last so long!
He does get to play outside when I'm able to sit out there, or when all (or a good majority) of the 9 (yes, NINE on our street, alone) neighborhood boys are out...it's just this combo of 2 against 1 that we're not a fan of.
Is it normal to still want to desperately play with people who aren't very nice? My Mom (Queen of all kid stuff) says it is...but as a Mother, I can't fathom why he gets hurt over and over and yet still wants to play with them?!
It just seems like this is happening WAY too soon to my sweet boy. My boy who hardly ever cries, but is doing much more of it lately. He was so upset about not being able to play out front today that he even said, "I wish I never told you they were being mean because then I could still be playing with them!"
SIGH.
Have you dealt with this? If you haven't yet (lucky) do you have any advice anyway?
Being a Mom is hard work!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Bullies
Posted by Marcy at 9:35 PM
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13 comments:
I'm so sorry Marcy! I don't actually have any solutions for you, I'm just so sad about other kids! It makes me want to keep my kids inside all day so that they don't have to deal with anything in the real world. But I think these kinds of experiences are good for them. I would maybe try and talk to the boys directly and see what happens?
Marcy I totally know how you feel. It sounds like Nicholas and Spencer are a lot a like. We have some boys in our circle that act the same way, yet Nicholas still wants to play with them. He even said the same thing as Spencer about not telling me. I have no advice...sorry just wanted to let you know he isn't the only one going through this.
Ugh. It sounds like Spencer and Ethan are a lot alike too. I found out that a fourth grader who Ethan (used to) sit on the bus with punched him in the stomach so hard it knocked the breath out of him. This was after months of little things happening, but I didn't know about it until this punching situation. I called his mom (who also happens to be my visiting teacher - yikes) and told her that I asked the bus driver to move Ethan. She was pretty mortified, and it was a tad uncomfortable between us for a couple of weeks, but it's okay now.
He also has two boys who gang up on him during recess - like a two against one type thing. We have told him to try to play with different friends, and to tell them it's not nice when they are mean, and stuff like that but it is really hard! Good luck to you!
I would go show those parents(and their kids) whose boss!
With having only girls I haven't had to deal with bullying too much- just the "I'm not your friend anymore," which Kailey went through recently with her best friend. I think the whole ordeal was much harder on me than Kailey. Good luck- that's a tough one!
Last year we had problems with J and another kid on the bus. I called and talked to the parents, J wasn't totally innocent, but what the other boy was not an appropriate response. It took two phone calls to the parents, but it did stop.
I'd talk to the parents, with an attitude of "how can we help them work out their problems appropriately". Hopefully the parents care.
If that doesn't work, you just have to teach spencer not to play with those particular boys. There are always going to be kids who aren't kind, and we can just choose to do something else when they are around.
Yes, we deal with this, too. Our compromise with those certain kids is that we have them play inside our house. That way, Derk and I can keep an eye on things and make sure our kids aren't getting bullied.
Sounds like my mom could help. One of the things she deals a lot with are bullies. Talk to my mom. She's got good suggestions and helps. Email her.
OH MAN, that is tough! I can totally relate. Kai comes home sometimes and tells me that some of his favorite friends said, "he couldn't be on their team" or "he couldn't do...this or that" and Kai is so sad. My reply is "I'm so sorry that you are sad, Kai" (and I want to go punch the kid) and I tell him to go find some of his other friends to play with. I always make sure to tell him to remember how this feels and to never make another person feel this way. And, also, to make sure to let it go if they EVER say sorry cause we have to forgive. It's so hard to see your child go through these things and we feel it like it's happening to us, but they need these experiences to learn empathy and compassion, I think! You can't really change those boys (you could mention it to their moms though) and they are obviously going through their own issues or else why would they treat another like that? Ughhhhh....so hard to be a mom, you are right!
This just make me sick. I am so sorry for Spencer. I wish we could just tuck them under our wing for the rest of their lives to protect them from everything that goes wrong. I know that's not the right thing to do, although pretty logical, in my opinion :) Give him a hug from Aunt Kiki. My advise? I would go talk with the parents. Chances are they aren't aware of what's been going on and if they are aware, perhaps not aware that it is continuing. I would still be on guard if they are outside and physically be sitting out there on the lookout. If it still goes on, I would move...... to UTAH!!!
Ah man, I am not good in these situations. I tend to have the "tell them off" desire so I am nervous for when my own children are going through this. I will have to set a good example and try a different approach. Reading all your comments were helpful. Good luck Marcy, I do not envy you! Poor Spencer. :(
Marcy you are such a megamom. I know you will figure out how to work through this one. I look at all your posts and am amazed at your energy. If you can't get answers from people here, direct your inquiries to Him above!
This one hasn't happened to us yet, but all I can say that is I wish I could come to your neighborhood and smack those kids around for you. Stinkers.
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